in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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