Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
