No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
