Me. At least after what I've been through.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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