I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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