Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
