Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
