Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
