All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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