I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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