i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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