So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
