Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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