I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
