she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
