I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
