i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
