i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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