my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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