They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
