Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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