you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
