Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
