Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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