I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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