Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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