I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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