i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
