So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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