she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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