Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize