Sry I called you an 8
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
