If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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