Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

(+44): View more from England

keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

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(+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu

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(212): View more from New York

You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

(475): View more from Connecticut

Yeah?

(212): View more from New York

Stuck it in his pooper.

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(212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911

Replies (209) Good night (10458) Bad night (4458)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.

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(814): We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation. http://tfl.nu/gj2w

Replies (17) Good night (4055) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e

Replies (41) Good night (16610) Bad night (2164) Order T-Shirt
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Do they take checks?

(1-606): View more from Kentucky

Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

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(606): Do they take checks? (1-606): Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL? http://tfl.nu/lvo7

Replies (18) Good night (4876) Bad night (1535) Order T-Shirt
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(347): View more from New York

Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

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(347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54

Replies (15) Good night (2423) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.

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(706): Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check. http://tfl.nu/kz2a

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive

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(306): I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive http://tfl.nu/z4k9

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles

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(847): I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles http://tfl.nu/eek8

Replies (9) Good night (1510) Bad night (451)
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(703): View more from Virginia

She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"

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(703): She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose" http://tfl.nu/hdxg

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.

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(336): Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army. http://tfl.nu/tv7a

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(347): View more from New York

we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now

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(347): we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now http://tfl.nu/ncyn

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(819): View more from Quebec

I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

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(819): I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex. http://tfl.nu/mg33

Replies (8) Good night (2320) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.

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(615): Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it. http://tfl.nu/lqyz

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians

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(724): We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians http://tfl.nu/50hn

Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt

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