well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
