And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
