you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
