Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
