Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
