my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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