god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
