i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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