mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
