got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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