I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
