rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
