Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
