can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
