It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
