dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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