there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
