he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
