she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
