would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
