Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
