I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
