hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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