one two three fourrrrnication!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The air taste purple.
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