I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize