is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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