omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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