I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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