She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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