Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i've created a new STD.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
