Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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