In the future we'll all be gay
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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