does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
