If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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