Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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