Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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