I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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