guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
