you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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