Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
try to milk me bitch
Randomize