1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
